Conflict Management Demystified
Conflicts can be anywhere!
At work, home, elsewhere
Many people find it difficult to manage conflict because they don’t know HOW to do it.
“If I tell the other person what I really think, this could be the end of the relationship!”
“Stop what I want to really say for the sake of continuing the relationship!”
”tell people what I think, and later realise that this effectively ended the relationship!”
It is not the conflict, and how I handle the conflict! Am I going to react or respond
Frame of mind, most likely, in conflict situations
I am right!
You are wrong!
You ought to do what I am telling you to!
By deduction, I want to win – and you to lose!
This makes one another push each other back, and leads to further conflict! Remember: Whatever one resists, persists! What one accepts, disappears!
Almost always, the stronger person wins, and not always with the most optimal solution
Remember: One CANNOT “win a fight in a relationship!” – the moment one is fighting, they have lost. And winning a fight only means I have created a future disgruntled opponent!
Simple techniques for managing any kind of conflict:
Listen to understand:
feelings first, data next
active, inspiring listening (no interruptions)
clarify understanding (no rebuttals)
Communicate to explain (feelings first, data next):
feelings and thoughts
support with data and reasoning
clarify assumptions
communicate inspiringly
weave understanding from listening into speaking
Negotiate inspiringly and fairly:
be clear about “Must haves”
be flexible with the “nice to haves”
let go of the “bells and whistles”
the answer is somewhere in the middle
Clarify and recap understanding:
who does what?
by when?
Thank the other
Sincerely
With words, tone, and body language
“There is an immutable conflict at work in life and in business, a constant battle between peace and chaos. Neither can be mastered, but both can be influenced. How you go about that is the key to success.”
Phil Knight